


lie again

by yeonkai



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Childhood Friends, M/M, More angst, Some Fluff, Yeonbin, best friends tyunning, past one sided soogyu, something for the yeonkai tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-01-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:27:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22456453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeonkai/pseuds/yeonkai
Summary: In which Huening Kai has loved his childhood friend for as long as he can remember.
Relationships: Choi Yeonjun/Huening Kai
Comments: 31
Kudos: 100





	lie again

**one**

You could say that being Huening Kai was somewhat difficult. Every single day after school, without fail, he would end up being the laughing stock of his entire class. His bag opened, possessions scattered awry on the floor, and him lying just next to it. When the same pairs of hands shoved him down roughly, he was tired of trying to get back up and instead listened to their malicious insults, day by day.

They had broken him so much that he didn't care what happened to him anymore, because it was pretty much a part of his routine by now. He didn’t know why they did it, or what they wanted from him. All he really wanted was for it to stop one day.

Hot tears trickled down his face and the insults only increased tenfold. He shut his eyes tight, once again wishing hard for something, someone, to save him, but he had been wishing in vain for the past few years of his school life. It was all futile, no-one would ever help, no-one ever cared-

A clear, commanding voice shattered his thoughts into pieces.

"HEY! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

Kai's eyes flew open. He hardly dared to believe what he had just heard and watched, awestruck, as a tall boy who looked about three years older than his fourth grade class marched over to the mob of people who had been bullying him for their own enjoyment. He didn't know who this boy was, but he looked furious, no, _livid_ , as he went right up to the crowd stood around Kai.

"What do you think you're doing?" he repeated quietly, but more dangerously, his voice trembling with anger.

The crowd backed up nervously, intimidated by the sudden appearance. "W-we were just having a bit of fun-"

"Fun? You're pathetic," he seethed, interrupting the weak excuse. "I don't know what your sick idea of fun is, but it's ending here."

He hurried over next to an astounded Kai, picked up all the younger's possessions and returned them safely to his schoolbag. He then turned back to the dumbfounded tormentors, who by now were cowering in fear at this older boy.

"If I ever see you doing anything like this to him again, it'll be you crying on the floor."

With those parting words he turned on his heel, not bothering to wait for a response, and pulled Kai by his hand along with him out of the school gates.

—

Once they were out of sight the older boy stopped and crouched down next to Kai, who was still in a state of shock, and started wiping his tears away. The small boy had always been told to never trust strangers, but right now he was desperately alone, and in need of a hand to hold, so he really had no choice.

"I've seen this happening for quite a while, I can't believe I didn't do something earlier… what am I going to say to your parents?" he said anxiously, talking more to himself than the other. However, he noticed the steady flow of tears down the other's face, and any other thought he had was immediately dismissed.

"Please don't cry. Your face is too pretty for you to cry." he whispered, full of comfort and warmth, taking the younger boy's hand in his own.

Kai was taken aback by this sudden praise and hid his face in his hands shyly.

"Where are your parents?" the elder asked gently.

He lowered his hands slowly, with more tears welling up in his eyes, threatening to spill. "I-I don't know. I never knew. I live at-" he scrunched up his face as if trying to remember a word that was just at the tip of his tongue. "At the place where everyone who doesn't have a mum or dad goes."

Yeonjun felt his heart shatter as he surveyed the pitiful scene before him. This boy was so young, and the world had not been kind to him so far. But he would change that for him. He had to.

"You can stay with me, okay? Are you hurt anywhere?"

The little boy pointed at the gashes on his knees where they had scraped along the floor. Yeonjun gasped and frantically rummaged in his bag to find plasters, all while cursing the bullies under his breath.

"Found them! Here, do you want the rabbit, bear or the fox?"

"Can I have… the fox one?"

"Of course."

He tenderly pressed the plasters over the younger boy's wounds, then looked up at his face, finding the latter's trusting, adoring, eyes staring into his own.

"Listen to me. If they ever bother you again, tell them your Yeonjun hyung will always protect you."

"Okay.."

After all those years of being bullied, it was suddenly over? This was too good to be true. That could not have just happened, and so quickly as well.

"Um... are you real? Or am I dreaming?"

The older of the two stood up and looked down at the small boy. For the first time since Kai had seen him, his eyes filled with fondness and his mouth curved into a smile.

"You're cute..."

The little boy was so overwhelmed with emotions by that point so he did the only thing that came to his mind at that moment. Stepping forward to close the distance between them, he wrapped his arms around Yeonjun and buried his head in his chest.

"Thank you so much."

Yeonjun relaxed into his hold and encircled the younger in his arms protectively.

"Hyung?"

Kai turned his head upwards to meet Yeonjun's eyes.

"Please stay with me. Please don't leave me."

Yeonjun sighed contentedly and hugged Kai tighter.

"I promise I won't leave you."

* * *

**two**

"Kai baby!" Yeonjun yelled from the door of their shared apartment. "I'm going out with my friends, don't stay up too late!"

Kai, taken by surprise, rolled off his bed, hitting the floor with a dull thud. He scrambled to get up and stuck his head out of the door frame, gulping when he noticed- well, it was hard to ignore- that Yeonjun was wearing his favourite silk blue button down. It was his favourite because he once told him he looked good in it, something Kai regretted saying, because maybe then he wouldn't wear it as much. That shirt didn't look too impressive on its own, to be honest, but on Yeonjun- he somehow managed to make it look like it was worth thousands. He always did. He could probably make a trash bag look fashionable, if he wanted. It was another thing he did so annoyingly well. Trying not to let his eyes linger on Yeonjun's outfit, he held out his arms meekly. "Hug before you go?"

With a knowing smile, Yeonjun closed the already small distance between them and Kai rested his head on the elder's shoulder. He couldn't help but notice that the cologne he was wearing was the one that _he_ had bought him for his nineteenth birthday. If Yeonjun was trying to impress someone... well, there was nothing he could do about it. He was just the little brother, after all.

"Stay safe and don't drink too much, hyung…I know how much of a lightweight you are." Kai murmured into his shoulder.

"Don't worry about me! I can take care of myself, just make sure you eat something and get to bed on time."

Kai rolled his eyes internally, recounting the time from only last week where he had rushed out to find Yeonjun well after midnight, hauled the elder back to the apartment, cleaned him up, and tucked him into bed, all of which had certainly not been easy.

He never actually went out to drink that often; something about his most recent ex had affected him more deeply than the others, and he had been moping around the apartment until Kai decided enough was enough and called his friends to take him out. Although his heart ached to know that Yeonjun might meet someone else who would treat him worse, it hurt him more to see him looking so hopeless and dejected.

 _He_ was right here, if only Yeonjun could see him.

Yeonjun was the one to pull away first. He always was. After ruffling the younger's hair fondly and giving his hand a quick squeeze, he unlocked the door and with a last, reassuring smile, was gone.

—

A few hours had passed and Kai was sat in his room, finishing up some notes while waiting for Yeonjun to come home. He glanced at the clock, the luminous display reading 12:30am. He yawned and rubbed his eyes, wanting to sleep but knowing that any moment now, Yeonjun's friends would show up with an unconscious member of the party who required assistance.

Yeonjun had chastised him after he found out Kai had been staying up to help him when he came back drunk, but Kai simply couldn't drift off until he had made sure that Yeonjun was safe and sleeping soundly. If that meant sabotaging his own sleep schedule, it couldn't really be helped.

A sharp knock on the door jolted him out of his daydream, though it was expected. Sighing deeply, he crossed the hallway in three long strides and pulled the door open.

It was in that moment, as he stared down at the drunk boy who still looked ethereal as ever, who had the most pure and innocent look in his eyes as he stared up at Kai, who would never in a million lifetimes love him back, that he knew he was well and truly fucked.

Kai crouched down next to him, trying to ignore how adorably confused and sleepy the other looked, and looped one of his arms around his own shoulder, then hoisted him to his feet with a great deal of effort.

"Kai..."

"Shhh, it's okay, I'm here now, we need to get you cleaned up."

They reached Yeonjun's room and Kai gently lay the other down on his bed, careful not to hurt him by being too sudden.

Yeonjun's cheeks were flushed, silver hair messy and fanned out beneath him, shirt rumpled and a few buttons undone, showing the tiniest glimpse of his perfect collarbone. Simply calling him 'beautiful' would be an understatement. 

"You're staring."

"O-oh.." Flustered, Kai blushed a deep shade of red and looking for an excuse to ignore the elder's fixed stare on him, he leaned forward and felt Yeonjun's forehead, then gasped and jumped to his feet.

"You're burning up! I'll get a cold towel."

Before long he was back and perched himself gingerly on the edge of the bed, tenderly wiping his face with the towel, cold water running down his cheeks, tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth in concentration.

"Kai... why did he leave me?"

Startled, Kai looked down at Yeonjun's eyes and saw unshed tears glimmering in those perfect brown orbs.

"Oh, Jjunie.." the younger cradled Yeonjun's head against his chest as he broke down.

"Why did I ever trust him? He told me he loved me.. he said he loved me! So why did he leave me for someone else? I wasn't good enough for him, or anyone at all." hiccuped Yeonjun into Kai's chest, arms wrapped around his neck.

Kai felt tears of his own gather. His shirt was becoming damp with Yeonjun's tears but he didn't care. He hated hearing the other beat himself up over something that wasn't even his fault. He wanted to tell him just how much he was worth, how much he was loved.

But he couldn't.

Or could he?

 _Well, fuck it,_ he decided. _He won't remember this anyway._

He gently prised Yeonjun away from him and took him by his shoulders.

"Yeonjun hyung, please listen to me. Even if you won't remember this tomorrow, I need you to know that you are the most beautiful, caring, deserving of love, amazing, adorable person to ever exist. Please don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise. You are the idiot I've fallen deeply and hopelessly in love with.

I love you, hyung. So much that you won't understand. I love you even though you'll never feel the same way."

"Of course I love you back." Yeonjun yawned, stretching out and leaning back into the bed, exhausted from the entire ordeal, tear tracks still lining his cheeks. Kai's heart leapt.

He loves me?

"You're my baby brother and I love you. My baby."

His heart sank as quickly as it had soared. He had allowed himself to be lifted by his fantasies, only for it to hurt so much more when he was shot out of the sky by cruel reality.

"Now cuddle with me." pouted Yeonjun sleepily, oblivious to Kai's dejected state.

But how could he say 'no'?

Kai lay down next to the other, allowing himself to be hugged and acting as a giant plushie, all the while blinking furiously to keep his own tears from falling.

"Please don't ever leave me." muttered Yeonjun sleepily.

Before long, Yeonjun fell fast asleep. Lying down with a close-up view of his face, Kai brushed the stray hair off Yeonjun's perfectly sculpted features and pressed a soft, tender, feather light kiss to his forehead.

"I promise I won't ever leave you."

—

The next morning, Kai went out of his way to avoid Yeonjun, much to the other's confusion. But just as he was about to leave for school, he felt a hand being placed on his arm.

"Wait. Kai, please wait." Yeonjun pleaded desperately. Usually immaculate every morning, today he looked disoriented, and his state was considerably worsened.

Kai swallowed hard and nodded slightly, still gripping the doorknob. "Go on."

"D-did I do something wrong last night? Is that why you're avoiding me? Fuck, I'm so sorry-"

"I'm not avoiding you. You did nothing wrong, hyung." he reassured, cutting off Yeonjun's flow of apologies.

_Part of me wishes you'd remember what I said, though._

"Nothing happened! So don't worry." He said with a smile that didn't quite reach his saddened eyes. As tiny as that detail was, Yeonjun couldn't help but think that something was off.

_I can never look at you as just my brother, but that's all you see in me._

"Alright..." Yeonjun replied hesitantly, loosening his grip on Kai and letting his arm drop to his side, the worry never leaving his face.

"Bye!" Kai did his best to stay energetic and cheery, just like the other always was, but he left behind a lingering feeling that there had been a change between them.

* * *

**three**

After that fateful night, Kai had suppressed all feelings for Yeonjun as much as he could. He buried them at the bottom of his heart, hoping that eventually they would evaporate, but getting rid of one sided love lasting seven years was no easy feat, especially when you live with the person. However, he resolved to do his very best to hide them, for the sake of the close relationship they had.

Much to his disappointment, his feelings did not dwindle as he hoped, but instead grew subtly every single day. He was a great dancer, an even better cook, and of course so very handsome. He was just boyfriend material in general. What more could Kai ask for in a guy?

Yeonjun, did not notice anything out of the ordinary, or chose not to, and continued to smother Kai in older-brotherly affection, being the lovable idiot he was.

Days flew past, as did weeks, months, and before long it had been a year, and Yeonjun was moving away to go to university. Upon first hearing about Yeonjun's acceptance to study there, Kai had felt a surge of emotions, ranging all the way from devastation to relief. At least if he wasn't seeing the love of his life everyday anymore, he might have a chance to finally detach himself from the feelings that seemed to be tying him down.

Yeonjun was to leave that very day, but of course not without a very long lecture about anything and everything, from taking care of himself to his dating life. Kai had to keep himself from rolling his eyes at the irony of that last one.

"I'm just worried, Kai! You're seventeen but you've never dated anyone at all."

The whole situation was so ridiculous, he had to suppress the urge to laugh. Here was the boy he was deeply in love with, telling him he should go and date someone?

"The right one is out there, you know? I'm just waiting for them to show up."

_He already has._

"I'll know when I see her. Or him."

_He's right in front of me._

"Is that your subtle way of coming out to me?" asked Yeonjun. He received an answer when colour flooded Kai's usually pale cheeks, and smiled. "Surprised I noticed? I'm sharper than most think." he said proudly.

Kai couldn't stop himself from letting out a giggle. "I'm sure you are."

Yeonjun frowned. "Brat."

"Aww, c'mon…" whined Kai, tugging at Yeonjun's hand. "You know you love me. And don't worry about the dating thing, who says I have to date anyone at all right now?"

"Well..." Yeonjun shrugged, concern leaving his face. "I suppose you have a point. Just don't wait too long, okay?"

Kai smiled, genuine but bittersweet. The other had no idea just how long he had already been waiting.

He couldn't deny that he was caught off guard when Yeonjun suddenly pulled Kai against him and wrapped his arms around him tightly. "I'm going to miss you so much… you have no idea… my baby Ningning…"

He would be lying if he said he didn't feel like breaking down against Yeonjun and holding him even tighter. But he couldn't. For the good of them both.

—

Kai stepped back into the apartment alone after seeing Yeonjun off. He recalled how as the train started moving, he ran alongside the train to the end of the platform, waving to Yeonjun and Yeonjun waving back and blowing hand kisses and making every possible heart until they were out of sight of each other and it was just him standing there alone.

Now, back in the apartment, the realisation that his Yeonjun was gone, away from him, came crashing down almost instantaneously. He sank to his knees as if he was being physically crushed. The feelings he had tried so hard to disguise for a year and longer cascaded over him, a waterfall of emotions. And in the unfamiliar, uninviting silence, he curled up into a ball and let out tiny, shuddering sobs, with no one there to hold him anymore.

* * *

**four**

Taehyun tapped his foot impatiently, waiting for Kai to hurry up and get out of his apartment. He hadn't seen his best friend in weeks, since he had been absent under the excuse that he was ill. This morning Taehyun had received a text asking him if they could walk to school together, as if Kai even needed to ask. As much as he denied it, he was worried sick for his friend, who hadn't been acting at all like himself.

Just as he was about to knock on the door for what seemed like the fiftieth time, it opened and Kai stepped out. Taehyun exhaled in relief, letting out the breath he hadn't even known he'd been holding in. After taking one look at Kai's disoriented state, with dark circles under his eyes, with hair messy like he hadn't brushed it in months, he threw himself at his best friend, nearly knocking him over in the process. He hugged him once, quickly, then stepped back.

"Where have you been? I missed you." Taehyun was straight to the point as always.

"I missed you too." replied Kai tiredly. "I really did."

"Of course you did. Who wouldn't miss me?" As tired as he was, Kai grinned. Now there was the Taehyun he knew and loved and had missed so much.

"Come on, we're going to be late. And you'd better tell me everything on the way."

They set off along their usual route to the bus stop, about a twenty minute walk away, as they had done for many years. Kai mostly stayed silent, satisfied by the company of his own thoughts, but Taehyun needed answers, and he was going to get them no matter what.

"You have no idea how annoying it was while you were gone, by the way." he groaned. "Every second of the day, some girl from your fanclub would come up to me asking when you were coming back, and telling them to fuck off wasn't that effective so I just had to hide away eventually. It was torture at its very finest."

Kai bit back a smile. Taehyun hadn't changed one bit and that was just the way he liked it.

"Why don't you just date someone? Maybe they'll stop bothering us then."

"Actually, that's kind of the reason I was off, you know."

"YOU'RE dating someone? And me, Kang Taehyun, was not informed??? I don't believe this. I'm so disappointed in you. Friendship OVER. Goodbye." He began marching dramatically in the opposite direction.

Kai clung onto his arm to prevent him from running away altogether. "That's not what I meant! I really was unwell, and I'm not dating anyone, believe me.

...I wish I was, though." he added quietly under his breath.

"What was that?" Taehyun questioned, seemingly forgetting all about renouncing their friendship. "You have a crush?"

"Maybe..." His best friend did, of course, know Yeonjun, but Kai hadn't yet told him about his hopeless, one sided love. It had definitely not been easy trying to keep it a secret from Taehyun, and there had been several slip-ups, but Kai was fairly confident that the other knew nothing.

Taehyun threw his hands up in exasperation. "I should just retire from being a best friend at this point. You don't even tell me about your love life, which, no offence, seems to be failing."

Kai laughed out loud at this. "None taken. You have no idea how bad it's failing."

"I'm sure I don't." snickered Taehyun. Kai ignored him.

"Who's your crush? I wouldn't be too surprised if it were me though. Have you seen this face?"

"Shut up, you're ugly."

"Now you're lying to me too! Indeed, a changed man after this illness."

"You were ALWAYS ugly."

"Your memory and eyesight have significantly deteriorated, my dear Huening Kai."

They bickered in a similar fashion all the way down the busy main roads, and long winding alleyways, and Kai was grateful for it. He needed at least some normality to return to his life after his time off sick, that he was nearly one hundred percent sure had been caused by heartbreak.

—

"Your favourite son is home!" called out Taehyun, entering his house with a flourish, followed by Kai, since he had decided to stay over for a couple of nights. Well, more like Taehyun decided for him, but he was still grateful that he wouldn't have to go home to an apartment in which there was a heavy, overbearing sense that someone was missing, and it was impossible to ignore.

"You're my only son." sighed Taehyun's mother, who was very used to frequent declarations of the same fashion. "Kai! what a pleasant surprise!" she beamed. "I take it you'll be staying the night?"

"If that's alright with you, Mrs Kang."

"No need to be quite so formal, dear, you're welcome to stay as long as you'd like. Now, you boys are probably very hungry, so why don't you head up to Taehyun's room while I cook for us?"

Upstairs, Kai flopped onto Taehyun's bed in exhaustion. His best friend followed suit, and the two lay side by side for a while. The silence that soon settled over them was more comfortable than awkward.

Until Taehyun couldn't hold back his curiosity anymore, so of course he was the first to break it. "You know... in the morning..."

Kai hummed in reply, already knowing where this was going.

"You dodged my question earlier, don't think I didn't notice. So who's your crush?" asked Taehyun, blunt and straightforward as ever.

There was no point in hiding the truth anymore, he needed to get it out to someone.

"You know Yeonjun?"

"Duh."

"I have a crush on him." confessed Kai, at the same time Taehyun said "You have a crush on him?"

"I-how did you know?" he spluttered.

"Well, it's time for maths with Taehyun! Let's see, how about the way you look at him every goddamn time you see him, plus your many rants to me about how perfect he is, plus how withdrawn you've been ever since he left, equals-"

Taehyun drew an exaggerated heart in the air with the tips of his fingers.

"-love! you're deeply in love with Choi Yeonjun, and the only person who wouldn't notice if they saw the way you act around him is Choi Yeonjun himself." smiled Taehyun sweetly.

"How could you think that I didn't know after that time on Christmas Eve when he was standing under some mistletoe and you-"

Kai slapped a hand over Taehyun's mouth in panic, not wanting to hear about that embarrassing mishap again. "I thought we agreed to never speak of that. Ever. He was drunk anyway."

Taehyun pulled Kai's hand away and giggled. "Teasing you is so much fun."

Kai was at a loss for words. "...I can't stand you sometimes, you know."

"Love you too! Okay but for real, just how long has this been going on for?"

Kai laughed nervously. "Uh... how about... eight years?"

"EIGHT YEARS?" Taehyun repeated incredulously, snatching up a pillow and whacking the other squarely in his face. "You have got to be joking. Tell me this is a joke. Please."

"Yep, ever since he saved me when I was in grade four. You were right. My love life really is fucked." came Kai's muffled voice from beneath the pillow.

Taehyun rolled over so that the two were face to face. "Tell me everything."

And so he did, all of it spilling out together because he couldn't stop himself. It felt liberating to get it off his chest and talk to someone who actually cared and wanted to listen.

When he was done Taehyun let out a long whistle.

"Kai, sweetheart, my darling idiot, you do realise that keeping such strong feelings to yourself isn't healthy at all? It even took a toll on your physical wellbeing, but you haven't told anyone before me. Correct?"

"You're the first person i'm telling, although I did confess to Yeonjun hyung..."

Kai received another whack for that. "YOU DID WHAT?"

"...but it was when he was drunk so he didn't remember the day after." he finished whilst vividly recalling what had happened that day, then wishing he could forget too.

"You know what you need to do?"

Kai had a feeling he knew what he needed to do already, and wouldn't really like it.

"You need to confess to him again, but this time when he's sober."

"I can't do that! He only sees me as a little brother, I don't want to break that relationship with him." whined Kai, using the same reasoning he had told himself for so many years.

"Can you honestly say that he would want you to keep on hurting like this?" Kai opened his mouth but Taehyun placed a finger on it. "No. So confess to him, even if he doesn't love you back in the same way."

"Really?" Kai was doubtful that this was a good idea.

"Positive. Think of it as you trying to free yourself, and say exactly what you said to me." reassured Taehyun confidently.

Kai wondered what on earth he had ever done to deserve a best friend like Kang Taehyun.

Both heard the clattering of plates on the table downstairs, signalling that food was ready. As they reluctantly got up, Kai latched onto Taehyun from behind, looping his arms around the other's stomach. Taehyun rolled his eyes with an exaggerated sigh but Kai knew that he was just as clingy as him in reality, and that he actually liked being cuddled. So he did just that, with a mischievous smile.

"What would I do without you?"

Taehyun snorted. "Let's try not to imagine that."

* * *

**five**

Kai stood, shivering, outside Yeonjun's university, where he knew the elder would be finishing up for the day. One of his hands was buried deep into the pocket of his thick winter coat, the other was wrapped securely around Taehyun's, as it had been for the whole journey from his apartment to where they were now. He was accompanied by his best friend due to the fact that he simply could not travel on public transport alone - Taehyun knew this, so he volunteered to come without Kai even having to ask him, part of Taehyun's list of 'reasons he was the only one eligible to be best friends with Kai Kamal Huening'. Yes, he did have a list.

Taehyun let go of Kai's hand to rummage through his bag and present something to the other with a bright smile.

"Roses? Wow, Taehyun, this is really… you know I like Yeonjun, right-"

"They're not for you, dumbass. Give them to Yeonjun when you confess."

"Oh yeah. That." Kai turned back to the university, shoving both hands into his pockets and sighing deeply.

"Yes. that." agreed Taehyun shortly, breath leaving his lips in clouds of mist.

"So... are you going to find him, or did you just come to have a staring contest with the building?" Taehyun asked after watching him amusedly for at least a minute.

"Well… I might as well get this over and done with." he sighed reluctantly, regretting ever agreeing to it.

"That's the spirit! Go and get your man!" Taehyun shoved Kai eagerly toward the doors, who let out a yelp and turned back to glare at his best friend, who grinned widely and blew him a playful kiss.

"You can stay the night at his dorm, and I'll come and pick you up tomorrow. Bye!" With a last wave, he looked away and started towards the train station.

"You're so encouraging! Not even a 'good luck'?" Kai replied over his shoulder as he entered the university, meeting a blast of warm air from the heaters inside. Taehyun lazily raised his arm and waved it in reply, without turning back.

Kai rolled his eyes and began his first task: locating Yeonjun himself. This was easily achieved by reading through his texts to and from Yeonjun the previous day. It was often difficult to decipher the elder's texts, however, since they were always accompanied by copious amounts of cute emojis and love hearts, which Kai found adorable. Every time he received messages like these, his own heart would flutter slightly at the thought of Yeonjun sending him hearts, but he shook it off, telling himself that it was probably how he texted everyone, and that he wasn't special.

Standing outside in the hallway, he pulled off his heavy winter jacket, and waited patiently for Yeonjun to walk out. He did attract a few glances, some curious, some envious of who was on the receiving end of the bouquet of flowers he held. He stood there in his black jeans, smart grey button down, and hair styled by his best friend, who had insisted on sweeping it off his forehead, a look he hadn't tried before and would hopefully take Yeonjun by surprise. These glances didn't faze him in the least, however, because today he had dressed up for one person, and one only.

As if on cue, the door swung open and the first out was none other than Yeonjun himself.

Now finally seeing him after what seemed like years, Kai felt his jaw drop as he surveyed the elder's new 'style' he had been going on and on about: his hair had been dyed a deep shade of blue, a black bucket hat was perched on his head, he had acquired two more piercings on each ear along with the fact that he was wearing a lip ring that could've been either pierced for real or just fake. He still looked stunning in it either way.

What else stilled his heart though, wasn't the wide v-neck he wore hanging off one shoulder and exposing a length of his collarbone, it was the marks that littered his pale skin. Faded, nearly reduced to nothing, difficult to notice, but someone else had beat him to it, had their hands on him, and it was enough to break Kai's resolve completely.

The elder failed to take note of his crumpled expression and bounded up to him excitedly like a puppy meeting its owner.

"Kai! It's really you!" squealed Yeonjun, latching onto his arm tightly.

He took one look at the other's sparkling eyes and happy disposition, and decided he would smile, even if he didn't want to. "Hi, Yeonjun hyung!"

"Were you waiting for me to finish my lesson? All that time?"

_I would wait longer for you._

"Maybe."

"My uni is two hours away from the apartment, and I know how much you hate public transport..." he trailed off, looking worried.

_I would do it all again, and a hundred times more, for you._

"Don't worry, I was nearby anyway."

"And why are you all dressed up? What's with the roses? No... don't tell me…” Yeonjun gasped excitedly.

“Did you just go on a date?"

_It was for you._

"Yeah... it was a date." he smiled.

"My baby went on a date!" squealed Yeonjun, pinching Kai's cheeks, something that only he had been allowed to do. "We'll go back to my dorm and we can make blanket forts and eat food at midnight! And then you can tell me all about your date!" he gushed, pulling Kai by the arm with him toward the exit.

Kai was taken aback by the sheer amount of energy the other exuded, surprised that uni hadn't done anything to change that. Then again, he thought, as he met eyes with Yeonjun, he noticed that there was nothing different in his gaze, the way he viewed him. He was still a child, just a baby, a brother, nothing more, nothing less. And he didn't think that would ever change either. Confessions forgotten in that moment, he was merely grateful to be spending time next to the one he cherished the most in this world, even if they had already found someone else.

* * *

**six**

"We're here!" exclaimed Yeonjun, unlocking the door and swinging it wide open. Kai followed him inside, taking off his shoes and hanging up his coat neatly, while taking in just how different the dorm was in comparison to the spacious apartment they call home.

"It's not much," smiled Yeonjun sheepishly, as if he was reading his thoughts, gesturing to the little furniture that occupied the front room. Kai wanted to tell him that his presence alone made the place so much brighter, but of course, he didn't, leaving the phrase resting among all the other thousands of unsaid words.

"I bet you're starving," said Yeonjun, already tying an apron around his waist and busying himself in the kitchen. "Make yourself at home, and i'll cook something quickly."

Part of the reason he had agreed to this is that it meant he could taste the elder's food again. After familiarising himself with the layout of the place (which didn't take long) he lolled around on the sofa quite contentedly, flicking through television channels without any real purpose. He was actually watching Yeonjun cook in his peripheral vision, one of his favourite pastimes, because it had to be the most attractive thing ever.

After a short while he quickly became bored and so decided to annoy Yeonjun while he cooked; "annoy" being an excuse to stare at him from a better angle.

"Yeonjunnie~" he whined, slipping his arms around the other's stomach to pat it, causing him to sigh out of pretend irritance, because he knew this all too well. "I'm cooking, Kai!"

"That's never stopped me before." he pouted defiantly, resting his chin on Yeonjun's shoulder to get a better look at the other's side profile while he focused on the task at hand. "Hyung, you know... you look really good today."

"I always look good." said Yeonjun without really concentrating, eyes never leaving the vegetables he was carefully cutting up. "Now can you let go of me because I need to move over to the stove-"

"No." pouted Kai stubbornly, refusing to loosen his hold.

"Well..." Yeonjun's eyes glinted mischievously, a telltale sign that he had planned something on the spot which wouldn't turn out well for the other. "Sorry in advance, but you leave me with no choice."

"What are you-"

He turned his head sharply to the right, startling Kai, then made direct eye contact with him and blew a soft kiss without actually meeting his lips. It was more than enough to throw Kai off, drawing his arms from around Yeonjun as if he had been electrocuted, losing his balance and landing in a confused heap on the floor.

Wide eyed, he stared up at the elder, who was humming cheerfully to himself as he lit the stove as if nothing had happened. He continued to cook until the food was close to being ready, and only then did the realisation of what had just happened finally dawn on Kai.

"Hyung. What the FUCK." he groaned, hiding his flaming cheeks in his hands, still a disorientated mess.

"Language!" tutted Yeonjun, setting the noodles down onto the table. He looked at the younger disappointedly.

"Whomst the fuck." came the reply from Kai, who by now was lying face down on the floor. Yeonjun crouched down next to him and ruffled his hair.

"Awww~ is baby Ningning upset?" he cooed. Kai swatted Yeonjun's hand away, still refusing to look up. "Oh come on! It was just a joke, Kai, and you know that!"

_I wish it wasn't._

"Now stop making such a fuss and EAT. I'm going to have a shower and by the time I finish, there better not be a crumb on that plate if you know what's good for you."

Honestly, Yeonjun was more like a mom than a brother sometimes. Only when he heard the water running in the shower did he finally lift his head and grudgingly drag himself to the table to eat, still lingering on what had happened moments earlier. He chose to focus on eating though, in an attempt to be rid of the embarrassment he was feeling. Taking a single bite, he sighed contentedly. He really did fall in love with Yeonjun's cooking over and over again every time he saw it, much like the maker of the food himself.

He savoured every bite he took, and soon was done, getting up to take his plate to the kitchen, ignoring the faint fumbling noises coming from behind the front door.

However, he couldn't dismiss the sounds when he saw a key turning in the lock and froze immediately, eyes darting around in apprehension, a jumble of questions and possible situations running through his mind. what he did not in the least expect, was for it to open, revealing an unfamiliar person he was sure he had never seen in his life, who also paused, key still in the door, when he noticed Kai staring at him incredulously.

The stranger had raven hair that was cut short but hung over his eyes slightly, with thin round glasses perched on the bridge of his nose, giving him a rather studious impression, he was quite attractive (nothing on Yeonjun of course, Kai thought), he was reasonably tall - probably more than 6 feet? - and was dressed casually, in a comfortable black hoodie and sweatpants, as if he meant to stay the night.

While Kai stood there processing the arrival of this new stranger, staring him down fiercely whilst the latter looked quite terrified by the intensity of his gaze, Yeonjun walked out of the bathroom straight into the midst of the mounting tension.

"Kai, did you finish - ah." he cut himself off, looking from Kai to the raven haired boy, who was visibly relieved to see him. "I see."

"Jjunie, who is he?" the stranger asked Yeonjun, a hint of betrayal and hurt noticeable in his voice.

"It's not what you think-" stuttered Yeonjun, words tumbling out in a rush.

Kai couldn't believe his ears. Yeonjun had only ever let Kai call him by that nickname, and that was the way it had stayed for years. At least, that's what the elder had told him. Until this new person came into the picture, which was much prettier without him. Call him possessive, clingy, whatever, but Yeonjun was the best person in his life and he wasn't prepared to lose that to someone else.

"Yeonjun hyung," he said apprehensively, voice shaking ever so slightly.

"Who is he?"

* * *

**seven**

"This wasn't how I intended for you two to meet, but it can't be helped." sighed Yeonjun. "I have to admit, it all looked a lot better in my head."

Neither of the other two seemed to be listening though, still glaring daggers at each other, so Yeonjun decided to cut to the chase, clearing his throat loudly and stepping between them, drawing all attention to himself.

"Binnie, this is Kai, my childhood friend, the one I was telling you about. He's like a little brother to me." he smiled fondly.

Still the baby brother, thought Kai with a twinge of disappointment, remembering the harsh reality of his position in the elder's life. The raven haired boy nodded slightly, clearly relieved, but continued to scrutinise Kai with faint interest.

"And Kai, meet Choi Soobin...

...my boyfriend."

The gravity of finally hearing that word, that _confession_ , and hearing it out of someone he thought he had to himself, knocked the wind right out of him. Kai seemed to visibly deflate and lose all defensiveness, unnoticed by Yeonjun but not by Soobin, who looked mildly curious but thought better of asking questions.

However, even from this brief encounter, Kai could see just how much Soobin meant to Yeonjun, so he decided to play the role of the supportive younger brother and not interfere. as he was expected to.

"Oh my god! Congratulations!" he exclaimed, doing his best to put on a show of fake excitement and surprise, trying to mask the empty feeling that was beginning to claim him entirely. "I'm so happy for you!"

These words were genuine, even if his intonation didn't make it seem that way. He was happy that Yeonjun had found his other half, the piece to complete him. Yet here he was, watching the piece that he had foolishly believed for so long would actually be his other half, find his own.

Yeonjun smiled brightly, clearly pleased with the positive reaction, then reached up to whisper something into Soobin's ear, who giggled and whispered something back. Whatever he said caused Yeonjun to laugh, a beautiful sound, and gently peck Soobin's cheek.

Kai began to feel like he was intruding, and he didn't want to stay in front of the happy couple a moment longer. He was disgusted with himself for not being able to support Yeonjun the way he always had, but it just wasn't possible right now, when his heart felt like it had been ripped right out of his chest and viciously crushed. He hated the horrible way that jealousy was spreading through his body like a slow poison.

He mumbled a weak excuse about being tired and going to rest, but his words faltered when he realised neither of the other two were listening, and soundlessly slipped away whilst they were still caught up in each other.

—

The serenity of the tiny guest room was where he finally let the tears stream down his face in silence, staring outside into the winter sunset that illuminated the bare walls in a soft, comforting light. He made no effort to wipe them away but instead allowed them to flow continuously down, again and again, caught up in his endless thoughts. Why had he even held onto that stupid fantasy for so long if deep down, he had known one day that this was how it was all going to end? How could he have truly believed that all love stories had a happy ending? This was his ending, and it was far from happy.

He heard the door click shut behind him, a sign that someone had entered. They padded softly across the carpet to where he was sat in the corner, knees drawn up to his chest. But the voice that spoke next was not Yeonjun's, as he had found himself hoping.

"Kai-"

"Don't talk to me," snapped Kai immediately. "I really don't want to see you right now."

He knew he was acting like an absolute brat to someone who was trying to help him, but that person was also the main reason he was in this state.

Soobin sighed heavily, a long, drawn out sound.

"Look, I know you like him-"

Kai laughed bitterly. First Taehyun, now Soobin? "Wow, I must be really gone for him if you notice after ten minutes. Imagine nine years of being in love." he revoked, face turned away, although he couldn't hide the way his voice was breaking at every word he forced himself to choke out. "Just imagine."

"Kai, you've got to stop it." said Soobin, full of concern. Kai could sense how real his worry was, and hated it. "I'm not telling this because I'm his boyfriend, or anything like that - you're hurting yourself. So much."

"You don't SAY." he replied, words dripping with sarcasm. He was too exhausted and drained to even process what was coming out of his mouth by that point. Thankfully Soobin seemed to understand, and ignored his rude responses.

"I know exactly what you're feeling, because I've been through this before."

That caught Kai's attention, and slowly but surely he raised his head to meet Soobin's kind, reassuring, pitying eyes. "You have?"

"I'll tell you all about it."

In the next twenty or so minutes that passed, Soobin's deep, calming voice was the only sound that could be heard in the room, and Kai learned a lot about the other. He learned that whilst he was still in high school, he had had a very long-lasting crush on a boy named Beomgyu, who seemed to be the embodiment of the sun, always energetic, upbeat and never failing to bring a smile to someone's face. Soobin described him with a sad, wistful longing evident in his eyes as he recalled all the memories they made together. They had met on the first day and become firm friends immediately, but over the course of their high school life, Soobin found that he saw Beomgyu as more than a friend, and kept it to himself, believing that his love wasn't one sided. To make a long story short, eventually he found out that they weren't destined for each other, and slowly but surely they drifted apart as Soobin tried to cope with his broken heart and Beomgyu was occupied with his boyfriend.

"So, yeah… I know how it feels to be in unrequited love for years." finished Soobin. "In a word, it really sucks."

“It does." agreed Kai, his heart aching deeply for Soobin. So what if they had just met? He already felt like he had spent a year and more with this boy, like he had seen, firsthand, a quiet Soobin shyly watching his lively best friend from the corner of the classroom over the top of a book he pretended to be reading.

He frowned as remembered something the other hadn't mentioned. "Soobin? Did you ever confess to Beomgyu?"

"I was too much of a coward to," murmured Soobin, deep in thought. "That's one of my biggest regrets, actually. I think confessing to him would have helped me to get over it quicker, knowing that there were no misunderstandings remaining in our friendship."

"That's why I came here... to confess to Yeonjun hyung." Even though he had been further deterred by the thought of losing Yeonjun like Soobin lost Beomgyu, Kai knew it had to be done.

"I think I've held that up for long enough then." Soobin got to his feet and pulled Kai up too, straight into a warm, comforting hug that the latter didn't even know he needed but did him a world of good. Soobin felt warm, he felt like home, he felt like pure comfort.

"Thank you so much for everything." Kai murmured into Soobin's hoodie.

"Good luck, Kai." with those last words, he released the younger from his embrace, stepped out of the tiny room and made his way to the front door. Kai overheard Yeonjun from the kitchen, telling him to stay for dinner, but Soobin politely declined and silence fell once again, signifying that he had left.

It was only him and Yeonjun who remained in the dorm. No obstacles, no distractions, no one else. Just him, Yeonjun and the truth waiting to be finally told.

* * *

**eight**

He remained in that small, dimly lit room for a while longer, contemplating the only choice left to him. This time tomorrow, he would have finally done it. He wondered about the outcome, whether or not he would even be able to call Yeonjun his best friend after tonight. Whether he had possibly taken all the precious moments they shared together for granted.

He stood and crossed the room to let himself out from dark into light.

As the door clicked shut behind him, Yeonjun, who had apparently been attempting some new variation of a headstand, fell over in surprise and brought down the coffee table on top of himself. After a couple of seconds he stuck his head up, met Kai's eyes and grinned as if nothing had happened. Kai was used to this kind of behaviour by now, and even found it endearing. Then again, unfortunately he found anything and everything about Yeonjun endearing.

"Oh! Soobin told me you were sleeping, and not to disturb you."

Kai felt his respect for Soobin grow even further. "Yeah... the journey was pretty tiring." he said, yawning widely for extra emphasis.

"Tonight we can just relax, then." Yeonjun grabbed the remote and scrolled through the movie options. "Any particular requests? I bought a ton of snacks yesterday too, can you get them?"

Kai diligently went into the kitchen to rummage through the cupboards and had soon acquired an armful of the snacks in question, then came back and settled down on the couch. "Anything you want."

Yeonjun pushed himself backwards until his back met Kai's legs, and Kai idly started combing his hands through the elder's shock of blue hair, as he had done since they were kids.

If Yeonjun were to turn his head upwards at this moment, he would see Kai staring at him with longing, love and sadness all combined into one gaze. But thankfully, he didn't, and Kai forced himself to focus on something else in the room.

After a while, Yeonjun paused on a horrifyingly familiar film cover that portrayed a red balloon and a sinister face. He looked up with puppy dog eyes, compelling the other to agree. Kai groaned inwardly because he knew exactly what was coming, since he had never been able to refuse Yeonjun anything.

He hated horror movies but Yeonjun loved them, although he didn't know it wasn't exactly Kai's favourite genre, because whenever they watched one, Kai would do his very best to seem unaffected so Yeonjun could watch his favourite movies without worrying about him. Not to mention this could potentially be the last moment they share where there was nothing awkward between them, so he wanted Yeonjun to enjoy himself.

He obliged, albeit unwillingly. "Of course, hyung."

Yeonjun did a little victory dance with a tiny "yeah!" whilst he pressed play on the movie. "Cute." thought Kai, forgetting his worry for a moment and watching him fondly.

As the opening started to play, Yeonjun picked himself up so he was sitting on the couch instead of the floor, and curled up with his head on Kai's shoulder. His heartbeat accelerated rapidly at the sudden action, and he really hoped Yeonjun didn't feel it.

—

They were now about three quarters into the movie, but Kai had found it difficult to concentrate on anything that was happening on the screen. The main reason for this was Yeonjun had decided to shift his head from shoulder to lap at some point, and it was extremely distracting having the other pressed into him. He was pretty much frozen into place, worried that if he moved he would disturb Yeonjun, who might withdraw his head.

Yeonjun, meanwhile, was fascinated by the movie and was munching away on snack after snack. He gently nudged Kai with his head, who understood what he wanted and obediently resumed playing with Yeonjun's hair, carding his fingers through it again and again, which seemed to satisfy the elder. Yeonjun snuggled closer against Kai, oblivious to the turmoil he was setting off in the younger's mind.

By this point Kai was so distracted that when the next jumpscare suddenly appeared on the screen he jumped violently and let out a dolphin-like scream, clapping his hands over his mouth immediately afterwards. It was too late though, for Yeonjun had already sat up, much to Kai's mixed disappointment and relief.

"What happened?" he asked worriedly. With his face mere inches away from Kai's, the latter was finding it quite difficult to give a comprehensible answer. Even with the only light in the room being from the screen, Kai could still discern every tiny detail on Yeonjun's face, from his sparkling eyes to his glossy lips-

"N-nothing." stammered Kai eventually, drawing his knees up to his chest to disguise his burning cheeks, hoping that would be the end of it. He didn't know how much longer he could last like this.

He got his unwanted answer when Yeonjun wrapped his arms around the younger and pulled him close so that the side of Kai's face was pressed against his, which sent him into sheer panic.

Thankfully he was spared when the film ended at that very moment, and Yeonjun got up to retrieve the remote to turn it off, releasing Kai from his hold.

Kai didn't even notice the other sitting back down next to him until Yeonjun slung one of his arms around Kai's shoulder. "So how was the movie?"

He wasn't paying attention since he was still caught up in a state of shock, and voiced one of his many thoughts aloud.

"So distracting..."

"Distracting?" asked Yeonjun with mild confusion.

“No... not the movie… I meant... you..." babbled Kai dazedly.

"Why would I be distracting?" inquired Yeonjun, peering at Kai interestedly.

The realisation of exactly what he was saying to Yeonjun hit him all too suddenly. He was about to discard the years spent carefully planning what he would say in this moment, and just blurt out what he could comprehend in the mess that was his mind.

It was too late to turn back now, though.

"Because... because..."

Yeonjun listened.

Every bit of rational thinking he had left told him that he was forever going to regret what he was about to do next. He leaned forward across the space between them, unable to stop himself, and wordlessly pressed a kiss on Yeonjun's mouth, just the slightest brush of lips.

Eyes widening, he pulled away as he processed what he was doing. It lasted less than a second, but the damage had been done.

He just kissed someone. Not just anyone.

 _Yeonjun_ , who had a _boyfriend_.

Well. This time, he had really fucked up.

Kai sighed. Better to finish what he started, then.

"Hyung, I… think I'm in love with you."

* * *

**nine**

Yeonjun drew back as if the fleeting touch burned him, so fast that Kai didn't even have time to apologise, or say anything at all, and jumped to his feet. Even in the darkness, Kai could see the beginning of tears forming in his eyes, which definitely scared him, because Yeonjun rarely cried.

"Hyung-"

"You can't." whispered Yeonjun.

"I didn't even go on a date. I came to confess to you."

"This isn't true."

Kai looked down, shaking.

"It is."

Yeonjun took a step back, then another, then another.

"I knew it would turn out like this." Kai said, voice trembling. "This is why I didn't want to tell-"

"Well." Yeonjun said, cutting him off again. A lone tear had already crept down his face. "You should've just kept it to yourself then."

"Nine years I kept it to myself. I couldn't take it anymore."

"You don't UNDERSTAND!" shouted Yeonjun suddenly, and Kai stopped saying anything at all. He had never been on the receiving end of Yeonjun's rare outbursts. Never. "I knew all along, Kai. I just convinced myself it wasn't true."

Kai was far from being surprised by this, since everyone he thought had no idea, seemed to know. He couldn't understand why Yeonjun would lie to himself about it, however. How he could live with Kai for so long whilst being aware of his feelings.

They stared at each other as if they were both seeing clearly for the first time. Kai had never seen this side of Yeonjun before, the vulnerable, undefended side rather than the energetic, joyful one that he was so used to, and it terrified him.

"I'm so sorry- fuck- Hyuka, I never wanted to be the reason you cried. I never wanted to make my baby cry."

"You have no idea how many tears I've shed for you, hyung." Kai said. "I guess it kind of hurts when you're in love with the cutest, most adorable boy in the world, and you can never have him."

The blue-haired boy took a deep breath, and Kai waited for another outburst to come. However, it didn't, although what happened next made him wish the outburst had come instead.

"Kai. I liked you too. I did, once."

"...What?" Kai gaped, his disbelieving eyes widening to twice their normal size.

Then the realisation hit him. He always hated realisation.

_Oh, wait. Past tense._

Was this all just a horrible dream, where everything seemed to get worse as minutes wore on?

"I used to." By now, Yeonjun was sobbing, letting tears and words pour out of him like a steady waterfall. "But it scared me… so much… I had feelings for someone who was meant to be my little brother… I was a coward."

Kai was lost. "Why… why would you keep that from me?"

"The same reasons you kept your feelings from me, probably. And... my greatest fear was you loving me too… as more than just a friend."

Kai remembered everything that had been holding him back. All of his worst fears, at once, had become reality. Even his only hope was in the past, it seemed.

"Once upon a time, I loved you, Kai."

Yeonjun smiled through the pain, as if he had finally allowed himself to just…

_Let go._

_I need to let go._

"All that I'm allowing myself to give you is just one kiss, and with that, it ends. There are so many more compliments I never gave you, confessions I never revealed to you, but I'll keep holding onto them, for the sake of us both. So please, hyung, please keep living your life."

A certain dimpled, bunny-like boy came to mind, and the corners of his mouth turned upwards despite himself. "Keep dating Soobin, and don't you dare lose him, ever. Let's keep living as brothers. That's everything I want now."

"...but what about you? Your feelings?"

Kai smiled easily, something he had been able to master over the course of the past nine years. "I'll stop being in love with you."

He kept going, fuelled by the false sense of security that followed his words.

"Now that I've confessed, it'll be easier to free myself. I don't want you to do anything at all about how I feel, because I know you don't want to."

Kai despised how easily lying seemed to come to him now.

"And that's all I came to say."

Nine years had amounted to that. It happened too fast, it wasn't enough for him, nothing at all had been resolved, but dragging it out would exhaust the both of them and Kai knew it.

Yeonjun breathed at last, a drawn-out sigh of pure relief.

He stepped back tentatively towards Kai, as if he was testing the boundaries. When he made no movement to stop him, he held out his arms, and closed them around the other without a word.

The hug felt final, like a last goodbye, or the feeling of finally being able to sleep after a long, tiring day, or leaving a friend that had been with you all your life.

"I love you." Kai said into Yeonjun's chest, not expecting a response.

Under normal circumstances, he probably would've clung to Yeonjun, begged him to stay, then they would laugh together, and like that everything would be okay.

But today was different. Today, when Yeonjun let go, he didn't hold on to him. He didn't beg him to stay or come back. Their relationship had changed, and this time the both of them knew it would never be quite the same again.

"Good night." whispered Yeonjun in his ear, before slipping round the door to his own room.

—

Later that night, when he was curled up in the guest bed, and not against Yeonjun, as he would usually be, he tried counting all the occasions on which he had lied to the other.

_One, two, three… ten... twenty..._

After losing count multiple times, he gave up and decided there were just too many. If what had just occurred was the outcome of telling the truth once, no wonder he had lied to him so much.

Tomorrow, when Taehyun came to pick him up, and asked him how it went, he knew, undoubtedly, that he would smile and lie. Smile and lie again. It sickened him, how naturally he could do that. He envied Taehyun's ability to tell the sharp truth and nothing but the truth.

Weakly, he spoke into the total darkness of the night.

"You promised you wouldn't leave."

No answer, of course, except from the gusts of wind that blew harshly against the small windows. A faint, rhythmic pattering started up that seemed almost comforting. Rain.

At least now, the sky was crying with him.

This was the start of the end, the end of whatever they had between them. Give it a couple of years, and they might already become strangers to one another.

He sighed and rolled over, trying to get comfortable in this unfamiliar room without Yeonjun. Soon he might have to get used to an unfamiliar world without Yeonjun.

Yeonjun, who he had spent most of his life so far chasing after, to no avail. He loved that name, and would most likely love it forever. Never, ever, could he ever imagine bringing himself to hate it, no matter how much it might hurt him.

There was one thing he had realised, and had come to terms with, though, in the entire mess that he had made of an unrequited love story.

Maybe some things, when shrouded in lies, were just never meant to be at all. And maybe that was better.

**Author's Note:**

> this was my first au so i hope it's not too bad but i don't have much experience TT i hope you liked it though! thank you so much for reading ♡
> 
> do stop by on [twt](https://www.twitter.com/yeonk4i) if you want to yell or be friends, either works for me :D or leave a [cc](https://www.curiouscat.me/txtzy)!


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